Today’s insight journey led me to the idea that we all feel like an imposter at some point. I used to wonder if I was the only person who really felt like I somehow wasn’t the way that people thought that I was, that I wasn’t capable of what they expected of me. And in some regards, it was true—I wasn’t who they thought I was, and I wasn’t capable of what they expected of me.
What people think about you and expect you to be capable of are very subjective things that are sometimes based in reality, and sometimes not. That is not entirely what I want to focus on today, but I do want to focus on the portion of that that informs our tendency to feel like we are impostors.
What is impostor syndrome or feeling like an impostor anyway? Well, my makeshift definition is that it’s when skilled individuals, especially those who are highly motivated, driven, and high-achieving, find themselves doubting their abilities, qualifications, or their right to do certain things or be in certain positions that are often, but not necessarily, employment-related.
Have you ever had moments when you looked in the mirror or found yourself just sitting somewhere thinking, Who am I? Am I really meant to be here? Am I really qualified to do this? Moments when you just didn’t feel like yourself, but then again you were wondering who you really were and whether you would even know your true self if you encountered it?
Well, if you answered yes to any of those questions, then you’re not alone. I have been there too, and my guess is that many of us have had those moments, some more frequently than others.
You see, I’m convinced that, at least in part, our feeling that we are impostors is birthed out of our thoughts and feelings concerning what we think others think of us and expect of us. We look at ourselves through others’ eyes, or at least what we presume to be their view, and we develop this sense of who we think they perceive us to be and what they think and expect that we are capable of. Then we try to live up to that, only to beat ourselves up when we appear to fall short of the perceived views and expectations.
Sound familiar? I thought it might. Now, admittedly, some people might not experience this, and if you’re one of those people, then I’m happy for you. This is one fight that you won’t have to deal with personally. But I imagine that even if you don’t have to face this one yourself, someone you know probably has faced it, is facing it, or will face it. So this entry just might be beneficial still.
Thankfully, I don’t experience those moments as often as I used to, but when I do it can still be jarring. And, truthfully, I can’t say that I have ever completely felt comfortable in my own skin, so to speak. But I can say that it is a work in progress, and that I’m much more comfortable with who I am now than I used to be. I still have moments, though, when I feel just plain awkward, but I’m learning how to process those moments effectively.
I wish I had a surefire one-fits-all set of easy steps that we could implement to totally free ourselves from ever feeling like this. But, unfortunately, I don’t. What I can offer, though, is an honest admission that I deal with it too, and encouragement to us all to continue working through it—taking the time to try to find out what might be at the root of how we feel, what might be feeding it, and what, if any, changes we can make that might help us to make some progress. Maybe we can beat this thing together. Be blessed. #lovebythedrop
love by the drop 